PART 10: I COULDN'T DO THIS ALONE

I am incredibly grateful for all of the help I've been getting from my family and friends over the past week.  The recovery process is going to be challenging enough with a lot of help along the way; I could not imagine how hard it would be to deal with it alone.  So for anyone facing this challenge, or possibly something similar, I highly encourage you to reach out, ask for help, and let people in who do offer, because you will need it.

For perspective, these are the things that I currently cannot do by myself:

 - Change my shirt

 - Shower

 - Cook

 - Open a jar

 - Drive

 - Put my own socks or shoes on

 - Change my two year old's diaper

 - Put my two year old to bed

 - Change the cat litter

 - Take out the trash

 - Push a stroller

Some of these items I will gradually be able to do more and more throughout the recovery process, but many of them will require at least some help for months to come.  In our society that truly idolizes independence (for better or worse), this injury requires a healthy slice of humble pie to be able to get through each day.  

Fortunately, I am married to a truly wonderful woman and we live in the same city as both of our awesome families.   My wife was able to take two days off of work and then family was able to come over during the day so she could go back to work soon after surgery.   My parents, in-laws, sisters, and friends have all chipped in to bring us food, watch our son, or just keep me company.  

My wife has been amazing.  She wakes up early each morning to make me breakfast, get my medicine, and change the ice in my cryo-cuff.  One unexpected benefit of this injury is that I get to spend more time with her than usual.

It's times like this when life shifts a little bit off the normal path to allow you to see unconditional love in action, and it's absolutely amazing.  This time I'm the recipient of that love.

My chest does hurt still, but more importantly my heart is full.

 

PART 9: GETTING USED TO THIS

So I'm starting to get used to the brace and I'm not sure if that's actually a good thing.  What I mean is that as my pain has improved and I've been able to relax a bit, but I've caught my myself twice start to try to lift my left arm for an itch or slight discomfort.  Lifting my arm over the next three weeks is a huge no no for proper healing.  Fortunately the brace has restricted me from doing anything stupid.  

Through these little episodes I'm realizing that a moderate amount of fear will be healthy to remain conservative as I recover.  The fear of re-tearing my tendon and going through all this again is horrifying, so I hope to use that as a motivation to keep from trying to do too much, too fast.  

The one instruction I heard loud and clear from my PA and general physician is definitely don't do anything the dr. told you not to do.  Now that I'm on the road to recovery, I'm starting to understand that it will take a lot of focus and patience to follow those instructions for the months to come.  

PART 8: MY TV BROKE

Perfect timing, right?  Just when I get stuck on the couch for a while, the bulb on my TV fails.  Fortunately, I was able to find a new, inexpensive bulb pretty quickly.  I paid extra for overnight shipping and then my wife was able to successfully install it.  Crisis averted.

Wednesday - 3/26/2014 (2 days after surgery)

Tonight my wife and I decided to take an exciting adventure into the world of bathing.  One of the downsides of being locked in a brace with a bunch of stitches is how hard it is to stay clean.  I wouldn't be allowed to shower for at least 5 days after surgery so our options were limited to a glorified sponge bath.  Out of fear of re-tearing my tendon, I was extremely timid while I was out of my brace for the first time.  It made both my wife and I pretty tense during the whole ordeal, but I will say it was nice to be clean(er) and have some fresh clothes on.

Thursday - 3/27/2014 (3 days after surgery)

After being on strong narcotics for 72 hours continually, I was starting to get tired of taking them.   They were definitely making me feel slightly nauseous and light-headed.  I'd also get mild headaches in between doses which was a sign to me how quickly the physical addiction to the narcotics had been setting in.  Unfortunately I was still in enough pain that I wasn't quite ready to drop my dosage of pain meds quite yet.  Pain was still in the 2-3 range which was tolerable most of the time.

My ability to sleep was getting better but the pain and brace still woke me up every 45-60 minutes throughout the night.  Since I tried to eat every 6 hours before I took my pain meds, I haven't had a full night with no interruptions yet. However, today I was successfully able to take three 45 minute catnaps to remain relatively rested.  

Speaking of catnaps, being home has reminded me exactly how much my cat actually does sleep, which is somewhere around the twenty hour mark each day.  This is about the same amount of time I've been spending in my chair hooked up to the ice machine.  He's got a rough life.

PART 7: POST-OP CHECKUP

Tuesday - 3/25/2014 (1 day after surgery)

My wife took me in to see the physicians assistant (PA) the day after surgery.  The 15 minute car ride to and from the dr. were about all I could take in the pain department.  

The PA shared with us what they found and what they were able to repair.  The surgery was conducted by opening me up with about a 4" cut just above my armpit crease on the front of my shoulder.  When they went in, they had to move my deltoid muscle (shoulder) around to figure what was going on with my pec tendon underneath it.

Turns out I tore my pec tendon in between the bone and muscle junctions. So it wasn't the best case nor the worst case scenario and they were able do some surgical repair.  

My tendon tore about halfway across and then tore down the middle as well.  So essentially, at least how I envisioned it, I had a 1" by 1.5" flap of tendon hanging loose after my injury.  The dr. was able to suture the tendon to itself but no anchors were inserted since the tear was away from the bone.

Since it tore in the middle, the doctor's instructions are to do nothing but keep the arm still for three weeks to allow the tendon to begin repairing itself.  Then, I'll come back for a follow up evaluation and we'll begin to discuss physical therapy.  The PA did say that therapy would start by increasing range-of-motion, then slowly trying to add strength and finally endurance.  Again, I was reminded it will be at least a six month recovery timeframe until I return to normal activities and longer for full strength.  

At this point I was just glad the road to recovery had begun.

PART 6: THE FIRST 24 HOURS

We got home from the hospital a little after noon.  I was able to stand on my own with someone next to me for balance but I was in a lot of pain still.  My wife helped me get setup in my chair and hooked up the cryo-cuff to the cool water pump.  My parents stuck around for a bit to help while my wife went to get my prescription filled at the pharmacy.  

Over the next 24 hours my main focus was on pain management and getting used to having my arm immobilized.  I was allowed to take pain relief every six hours and my pain was varying between a 4-5 most of the time.  Getting and staying comfortable was a challenge, especially at night since I was sleeping in a chair in the family room.  

My wife was incredible making sure I was as comfortable as could be and seeing after all of my needs.  She would prep my food and medicine, adjust my pillows, take care of my ice machine, and most importantly entertain me.  

I couldn't wait to go back to the dr. the next day to hear what they did in surgery and find out about more about what I could expect during recovery.

PART 5: SURGERY

Monday - 3/24/2014 (9 days after injury and one month before my 36th birthday)

5:00 am alarm for the loss.  Surgery was scheduled for 7:30-9:00 so we were told to arrive at the hospital at 6:00 to get ready.  

The surgery prep started quickly with the nurses.  It took about an hour and fifteen minutes to go through it all: changing, shaving, cleaning, IV, and a meet and greet with the anesthesiologist.  Since my injury was on my chest, they were not able to give me a nerve block in my arm to help manage the pain.  I would be reliant on the narcotics they were offering that day.

At this point I was able to spend about 5-10 minutes with my wife and mother talking to the physicians assistant before they took me back for surgery.  This was an actual pleasant calm before the storm.  I had been trying to take moments throughout the morning to take long, slow breathes and meditate to calm my nerves.  Finally, when it was go time for surgery they pumped me full of something special because I was all smiles as they took me into the operating room.

About two hours later I came back to consciousness.   Unfortunately I woke to excruciating pain right where my procedure took place; about an 8 out of 10.  The nurse then began putting pain meds in my IV to help.  After 3 rounds of special stuff she was able to bring my pain level down to about a 5/10.  From my recollection that took about 10 minutes, give or take an hour.   

When I woke up, I had already been put in my shoulder immobilizer brace/sling device and also had my shoulder wrapped in a cryo-cuff for treating the inflammation.  

I was then wheeled back to the prep area and my wife and mom were able to join my side.  It was great to see loved ones, even amidst the continual pain.  Although my wife and mom may have felt a bit helpless thoughout the day, their presence and love comforted my spirit in ways that no drugs could even dream of. Times like this in life allow you to truly take count of your blessings and without a doubt I am grateful for my family.  

The nurses had me eat some crackers and juice to get something in my stomach before they gave me my first Percocet.  I almost got sick after taking it but was able to keep it down.  It eventually helped get my pain to a 'tolerable' level and before I knew it I was getting dressed and we were heading home.

PART 4: SURGERY PREP

Now that surgery is scheduled I realized I had a lot of prep to do beforehand.  I needed to wrap things up at work since I didn't know how long I'd be off, get stuff ready around the house for dealing with one arm in a brace, and then what caught me the most by surprise was the mental preparation I needed to do.

Since the ortho put me in a sling to wear before surgery, I was challenged to get work wrapped up so I could go on disability for as long as my recovery needed.  This required me to quickly come up with and execute a plan for all of my responsibilities and projects and then take the time to communicate and delegate these plans to staff, managers, and clients.  It would have been hard enough to do this before surgery while healthy, let alone with only one hand to type with and pain to manage.

Outside of work, I really didn't know what to expect during surgery, recovery, or physical therapy.  Since this injury is pretty rare there were only a handful of resources I found online that allowed me to understand what to expect.  This is when I got the idea to start this blog so that others can learn from my experience.

Around the house my wife and I had to setup a place for me to sleep since it's best to sleep in a slightly reclined position with a shoulder immobilizer on.  We ended up with a fluffy chair with lots of pillows in front of the tv as well as getting a wedge pillow for the bed.  The other main items we needed were comfy loose fitting clothes that would be easy to get on and off with my arm in a brace.

The last part for me was getting mentally ready for surgery and therapy.  This required me to do some reading on what to expect in the procedure but more importantly coming to peace with the decisions and put my faith in the hands of the care I was receiving.  Since my pain and bruise kept getting worse leading up to surgery, this actually became easier to accept over the weekend.